As you have probably gathered from the title of this post (as well as me pretty much always going on about it on Twitter), I am going to university soon. Like, really soon. Just over a week soon.
I am a bit worried. Excited, but worried.
It's probably the biggest period of change in my life so far, and I do not like change. I feel so unequipped for this. I feel so unprepared. Even though it's been on my mind for pretty much the past two years, it hasn't really registered that this is a real thing that I am really going to do until now, and the thought of it just terrifies me.
I know that it will probably be fine, and that I will probably be okay, but that doesn't change the fact that I am so incredibly anxious about so many things regarding university and my life and just the future in general. Like, I am an actual legal adult now. When the hell did that happen? Who allowed that to even happen?! It seems like a really poor decision to me.
It's just going to be so weird, going to a new place, surrounded by strangers. I haven't had to make new friends for YEARS. I think I've forgotten how to do it. I'm not used to being around people who don't already know what I'm and who sort of get me and like me any way, and it's going to be hard for the first few weeks for sure. I know that everyone is in the same boat and blah blah blah, but it's still going to tricky and as much as I joke about it, I hope I don't just hermit myself away because that will just not be fun.
And that's the other thing. It's so far outside of my comfort zone! I don't want people to think I'm boring, but at the same time I don't like parties or clubs or getting majorly drunk, and the thought of having to do that the same week as doing something as big as moving out makes me really anxious. And I know I don't have to do Fresher's and all that, but I don't want people to think I'm some boring hermit or that I'm some pretentious douche who looks down on people who do like partying or whatever. I hate having to put myself out there, but I'm going to have to suck it up and actually have some initiative and make decisions and be an 'adult' or whatever instead of holing myself up in my room while I wait for someone else to choose for me, or just do whatever my friends do. It's just stressing me out a lot. Being sociable and coming across as a normal person and interacting with people and forming positive relationships with people and making friends with them and living with people and just. Stress.
I also just feel like there are so many expectations about university. Your whole life it gets built up as this kind of ultimate educational goal, as well as the point in your life when you grow as a person or whatever and you're also meant to have a great time and party loads and get a 1st and make loads of lifelong important friends and pressure, much?! I just want to pass my course and make it out alive. I'm really just trying to keep my expectations low a) in case it turns out that I am actually terrible at my subject and my whole education up to this point has been a lie and that everything I know is trash and I will fail, or b) so that I may actually be pleasantly surprised if it's all fine just fine.
AND THERE WILL BE NO CATS. WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO WITHOUT CATS? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT ADORABLE KITTY CUDDLE BUDDIES THIS IS GENUINELY ONE OF THE THINGS DISTRESSING ME MOST ABOUT THIS WHOLE SITUATION.
So. University is a thing that I am going to do. Oh god.
Hi Cicely :)ReplyDelete
Please, don't worry! I'm a third year uni student, and I had the exact same thought process before I started uni in 2012. I like reading, the internet, and TV - I hate alcohol and new people scare me and all that. I got steadily more nervous and sick and freaked out as summer wore on, terrified that I would make no friends and be that socially awkward person in the corner who sat in her room all day.
But when you get there, everyone is in the same boat as you. No one knows anyone, and everyone is amazingly friendly because they really want to make friends. And although you are right in that you pretty much have to 'get out there' and go clubbing and boozing in freshers week, it's not compulsory to go out every night. I only went out clubbing twice during freshers week, and spent the rest of the week at freshers fair (which is awesome - sign up to as many clubs as you can and get lots of free stuff) and hanging out watching films and X factor in the common room.
As regards to classes in first year, they are actually surprisingly fun! No more difficult than A Levels, and the lecturers make a real effort to keep you interested (so you don't drop out and they lose money!) and don't overload you with work. Most people don't get the best grades in the first semester because they've been through such upheaval, but lecturers mark leniently, and in 2nd semester you are getting into the groove and it's a lot easier.
I hope that's put you at ease a little bit. Good luck with everything :)
(if you have any questions or anything, I'm @amylaurenwrites on twitter)
Hi Cicely :)ReplyDelete
Don't be afraid! Yes the first few weeks will be frightening. You barely know anyone, then there is the thing with organizing your classes, your home and pretty much your new life: but you will get used to it.
As much as it frightens you now, you will start to love being on your own and making new friends from week to week as well as from class to class. When I started living on my own in a different city away from my family, I was really afraid to even leave my apartement. I'd go out for classes and grocery shopping but not for drinking and clubbing. And that is okay! Nobody will think that you are boring. Just tell them that this is not what you like to do. Tell them more about you! Nobody will judge you or make fun of your preferences. After being a student for three years, I actually go out to drink once in a while but not in clubs just with some friends.
So don't feel obligated to join those parties. Just stay true to your feelings and tell your friends-to-be the truth. They will accept you and your decisions.
If you have any questions, regarding uni or just want to talk about something, feel free to write me!
(Just leave a comment on my blog^^ (don't worry I'm not advertising my blog..))
I wish you good luck with everything!
What they said!ReplyDelete
Each of us here at WHYA had a very different college experience -- community college, prestigious universities, time abroad, etc. -- but the one thing we all agree on: It was a GREAT time. And in ways we totally didn't see coming. That's the thing: We have all these expectations (and so does everyone else!) but you can't know a thing until you're in front of it, until you're IN it, until you're living it.
So take a deep breath and remember to have fun. You're going to do great!